It used to be that a geeky wardrobe was embodied by suspenders and thick-rimmed glasses, but no longer! 21st century geeks have a wide array of t-shirts to choose from which will proudly display their inordinately high intelligence and tech-worshiping ways to the world. So if you’ve been looking for a way to advertise your geekhood to those around you, you’ll be delighted at the 25 incredibly geeky t-shirts we rounded up for this article. Enjoy!
1) “Geeks are Sexy!”
2) “No, I won’t fix your computer!”
How many times have you walked into someone’s house and, instead of being greeted, were simply bombarded with requests to fix someone’s computer? Aren’t you tired of it? Don’t you wish that just once, you could summon the courage to say “no!” the next time some dolt calls you up fretting about their broken Internet connection? Well thanks to this shirt, you can! Never again will your friends and family take your superior computing knowledge for granted. Oh, who are we kidding…they probably still will!
3) May the F=d/dt(mv) be with you!
Star Wars + Newton’s Second Law of Motion = WIN!
4) “There are 10 types of people…”
Everyone who has taken a networking or programming class has heard this joke at one time or another. But until the pressing of this t-shirt, there was no way to carry it with you and identify your geekhood to others of like mind. Luckily, you can now show everyone who passes by which of the 10 types of people you are…(not that they’ll get the joke, of course.)
5) “There’s no place like 127.0.0.1”
If you’ve ever held the thankless job of setting up a home network (either professionally or for your friends and family, à la the wearers of shirt number 1), the “There’s no place like 127.0.0.1” t-shirt is right up your alley.
6) “SQL”
Few things are lonelier than sitting huddled in a cubicle all day writing SQL statements and retrieving information from databases. And…well, okay, this shirt won’t do anything to change that, but you’ll look a lot sharper and more geeky while you do it. Maybe that will be enough to hold you over until you get that next promotion…(or get canned for not filing your TPS reports on time!)
7) “Wifi”
Have you ever been wandering the halls of your school, workplace, or just around town and wondered whether you could catch a wireless signal? We all have – but who wants the hassle of pulling out your laptop and booting it up to find out? Enter: the wifi shirt. This t-shirt will literally tell you (by lighting up bars across the chest of the shirt) whether there are any wireless Internet signals close to where you are standing. No laptop or cell phone necessary!
8) “Keep Out of Direct Sunlight”
One of the timeless identifying marks of geeks from past and present is the pale color of their skin. It’s true – geeks are much more likely to be found huddled up at LAN parties and writing code than chasing a football down a beach. So it’s only fitting that you can now buy a shirt that advertises this already obvious fact. Don’t deny it – wear it proudly!
9) “Try Another Hole”
Some of the best geeky attire combines tech terminology with sexual innuendos, and ThinkGeek.com’s “Try Another Hole” t-shirt is an excellent example. Try wearing it to a bar, and who knows? You might just strike up a conversation with a pretty girl who gets you into a rousing conversation of the pros and cons of Firewire vs. USB! (Hey, you can dream, right?)
10) “Power”
Admit it: if you’re a geek, you’ve probably fantasized about lording it over the jocks and popular cliques who teased you during high school. It’s why every nerd grows up telling themselves that someday, all of these jerks will work for them. Well, now you have a t-shirt to encapsulate those comforting (or not-so-comforting) words that have been passed down from one generation of geeks to the next for decades. Wear it and wear it often!
11) “LMAO”
No collection of geeky t-shirts would be complete without the obligatory online “LMAO” shirt. Perfect for those who find themselves thinking and talking in online lingo more than actual English, this shirt is sure to be a big conversation starter at the next party (even if it is just a LAN party.)
12) < Body >
ThinkGeek.com sums it up perfectly: “no need for funny one-liners or obscure and geeky references here. Just a simple homage to the markup language that makes the web go ’round.” For a mere $17.99, can any respectable web designer afford not to wear opening and closing tags on their chest and back? We think not!
13) “I <3 My Geek"
Believe it or not, some geeks do, in fact, have girlfriends. We know, we know – we were just as surprised as you! But with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, we can think of no better shirt for these lucky ladies to wear around than this one. Now if she could only convince her binary-loving boyfriend that a Magic The Gathering party isn’t exactly the best idea for a romantic date…
14) “Binary Heart”
If your girlfriend wasn’t very fond of the “I <3 My Geek" shirt, perhaps a binary heart would do the trick. We must warn you, though: bringing a girl with this shirt to any kind of computer fair, Harry Potter book signing, WoW tournament or video game store is just asking for her to be hit on!
15) “I > U”
One of the original geek t-shirt classics, the “I > U” equation shirt is perfect for those whose wardrobe is lacking in geek street cred. You will also find this equation on multi-player gaming chat screens, Slashdot comments, and anywhere else the technically inclined congregate.
16) “Johnny Was a Chemist’s Son”
Cut from the same cloth as the “There are 10 types of people in the world” joke, the “Johnny was a chemist’s son” chestnut is another timeless gem that is told and re-told in computer classrooms and IT departments every year. But who knows? Maybe if enough geeks wear this shirt, your C++ professor won’t feel the need to trot it out each time he needs example text for your hello world program to generate.
17) “Nanotechnology is huge.”
Geeks love irony, and what better way to stitch irony into a t-shirt than to show the words “Nanotechnology is huge” in miniscule letters? Look no further, folks!
18) “Rocking With Hawking”
Few things get more laughs out of a bunch of stuffy, literalist geeks than a well-timed Stephen Hawking joke, and now you can wear one on your back at least once a week. (We all know that geeks never, ever wear the same shirt twice in a week, or go without showering, or anything like that…)
19) “I Am Not a Geek”
Finally – a t-shirt for the geek who has yet to come to terms with his true nature. If you find yourself walking around with extra swagger because of how many kills and “pwns” you scored in WoW last week, you will probably appreciate this t-shirt as well.
20) “Pwned”
To the non-geek, it’s baffling why anyone would think to put a “p” in the word “owned.” But for those who know no other way, this t-shirt is the key to spicing up an otherwise boring wardrobe.
21) “Geek Girl”
It is commonly believed that only males are geeks, but this is simply not so! Fortunately, the makers of geeky apparel have not bought into this misbegotten stereotype, as evidenced by this snazzy “Geek Girl” shirt for females. If you’ve been looking for a way to join the testosterone-dominated party of brainy fashion, this shirt might be the missing link!
22) Pillow Shirt
Okay, so this isn’t actually a wearable t-shirt, but we thought it would be criminal not to include it in the article. After all, any geek can wear a t-shirt to show his true colors. But it takes a real master of the craft to outfit his bedding in a button-up, pocketed work shirt! Seriously guys, extra credit for anyone who actually finds this shirt and buys it. (And we all know geeks never shy away from the chance to get extra credit!)
23) “Get Laid”
Most of the t-shirts in this article try to portray geekhood in a positive light, making geeks feel better about the quirks that society has been ostracizing them for their entire lives. Unfortunately, some t-shirts still serve to remind them of the all-too-painful truths they’ve grown familiar with, and this is certainly one of ’em!
24) “Caffeine Molecule”
If your refrigerator is never without Red Bull and you consider it sacrilegious for a LAN party to begin without cracking open a case of Bawls, then you need to make the Caffeine Molecule t-shirt the next addition to your geeky wardrobe. Let the rest of the unwashed masses consume things that they don’t know the atomic structure of; you’re supposed to be smarter than that! (You are smarter than that…aren’t you?)
25) “L337”
What – you didn’t really think you were going to make it through an entire article on the 25 most incredibly geeky t-shirts without at least one l337-speak shirt, did you? Shame on you! No respectable geek should be without one of these bad boys, and if you didn’t already know better, now you do. So go out and get one. Now!
Bonus #1: “Lesbian Trapped in a SysAdmin’s Body”
By this point, you should know that a vital pillar of geek fashion is witty self-deprecation. An excellent case in point is this t-shirt, emblazoned with the slogan “I’m a lesbian trapped inside the body of a crazy, mad, ugly system admin.”
Bonus #2: “Periodic Table”
Of course, for all the innuendos, irony, playing-on-words, and suggestive language that makes so many of the above shirts funny and geeky, there’s still no beating a t-shirt that comes right out and beats you over the head with a sobering dose of the obvious. For that, we turn to the classic Periodic Table of Elements t-shirt, which removes all doubt that you were always picked last for competitive sports in gym class.
